Tuesday, November 11, 2008

November 11.

wow. alot has happened!! =] my life has been looking up so much.!! Im over it. Im over donny Im over adam cotner. idc. Its because my first love is back in my life && even though I thought I loved both of those other assholes. Even being next to adam ryan calisto made me realize I never ever felt that way with anyone else ever. && I never want to. I love him with all of my heart. hes perfect. he doesnt yell he doesnt tell me I do everything wrong. he lets me be me.

Its like when he broke up with me I got depressed. He was my first kiss, my first best friend, my first love. I felt like a had a big piece of me missing.

the story::
on friday britt was staying the night && so we were on the couches because my mom said that we could sleep down there && my mom was at the computer on the phone && then she goes uh.. chloe adam calisto just called. I was like omg!! =] we hadnt talked in forever. && last time we did he told me that he hated me. bcuz of what donny had told him. but anyways.. so I grabbed brits phone && called him.. & he asked if brit & I would come hang out but it was like 10 so I told him maybe he could stop by. So he said he would && mom said it was gravey. So I ran upstairs and was getting ready && brit goes chloe he wont come so idk why youre gettting ready.. then he called && goes "Im here." I was like omg!! haha; then brit ran downstairs && when I went down there my mom was telling him how he shouldve waited til she was back from the cruise && how broken I was.. lol. I was like mom. your embarassing me!! =p then we went && got a pop from the gas station && went to mcdonalds.. && then went and got the strangers. When we went back home && put in the movie he sat on the other couch then britt goes sit inbetween us. so he did. then right when its started brit asked if greg could come over.. so then adam calisto went && got him. Then we put in the movie && adam sat by me && he put his hand down like he wanted to hold my hand. but i didnt know if it was my imagination.. lol. So then when he got up to smoke with my mom.. I put my hand down there.. and when he got back he held my hand!!!! =] I got butterflies so bad. I just wanted to cry. =p.. anyways.. after the movie he goes are you gonna rap battle me? && my mom goes she doesnt do that instaed she writed poems && she wrote one for you. && all of them begged me to let him read it && finally I did.. && then he just kept looking over at me. Then I was like brit go down in teh basement with me to get mean girls && he goes no I wanna go with you I wanna talk to you. So then when we got down there he hugged me so tight && told me he was so sorry.. && not to cry. && he was horrible to me and that he was sorry for that. Then he wiped away my tears.. =] when we watched mean girls we cuddled && he kissed me on my forehead. =] It was perfect. I never wanted it to end. Then when he left he told me to call him in the morning. So I did. && he was like "sorry if I gave you the wrong impression but I dont want a gf" I was like its cool I understand.. Then he was like "youre awsome you know that"?? =] But anyways so then he called me everday until I finally said we could chill. && he came && picked me up at 7:30.. && we went to the river bluff && parked.. and he had his glasses on. =] he looked so darn cute.. anyways then he layed his head on my lap && we just talked. =] && did stare downs. =p. hes amazing. =] then he had his arm around me && he kissed me on my cheek && then he leaned in && kissed me!!! =D omg! My body went weak and my butterflies went on an overload. I love him!! Then when he took me home he drove me through my ally && kissed me one last time. I miss him. I needed him in my life && the missing piece is back.

I just wish I could be with him. But I understand. Maybe one day && if not he taught && showed me how I deserve to be treated.

but the secret is.. :: I wanna marry him. =]
I have never ever felt this way with anyone. && I dont think I ever will.

Matty goes to new york tomorrow morning. =[ Im going to miss my hero && one of my best friends && my bubby more than anything. He is one amazing person. =] I love my bubby more than life.

Adam cotner called me && told me he loved me && wanted to have babies && get married. I was like cool do it with someone else. =p GO ME!! =] woowoo.
Hes gonna miss out. he had his chance.

but the bad thing is.. is that now I have a bf. && I kissed adam.. so I feel horrible. Im not a slut && I like dakota its just I love adam so much. && I never thought he would ever even talk to me again.. so. idk what to do. I guess it will come to me. =]

Sunday, October 26, 2008

October 26. <33

well khaley is more into partying than he is into me. =( which sucks but I had to break it off. I really liked him.

&& today one year ago I met adam.. && I called him && hes being rude like usual.

I miss my friends. && I really want a bf. I would want adam if he wasnt such a db to me all the time.

matt teirney calls me everyday. ITS SO ANNOYING!! lol
&& I would never go for him. He does stuff with EVERYBODY!! no way. =p

I wish adam was real. no one knows what I would do for him. =(

well donny && I are cool now. which makes me really happy because atleast I can see how his life is going. I really miss him.

well I watch high school musical 3 today && its amazing. =)
i loved it.

anyways.. life sucks at the moment. I never have anything to look forward to. I hate it. I miss my old life. I miss my friends.

huh.. so in conclusion LIFE SUCKS!!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

october 22<3

6 more days until it would be 1 year. =/. ehh, && hes gay. He keeps asking me to do dirty stuff with him. He's a douche.

but jess sent me a rude message today on myspace. haha; doesnt suprise me tho. cuz shes been hanging out with amanda alot. && amanda hates me. w.e. DRAMA! I'm out. lol

I miss my old life sometimes. The people I used to be close to. Now they hate me. I guess losing people your close to is part of growing up. Even if it really hurts. and sometimes you just cant fix things. No matter how hard you tried.

I went to court today. I was so nervous. But everything turned out okay. =)

I hope my mom lets me stay at my uncles because I didnt last night.

Mat comes home soon. I miss my bubby!! I cant wait. && Im sure there will be a million more pictures when he comes. =) Im really proud of my bubby. Ive been thinking and I think I want to get a tatto of doggy tags with one saying clark in it and the other to say proud sister. =)

I havent talked to my dad again. =( I think hes avoiding me. But I cant do anything about it.

My heart has hurt alot latley && I wish I knew how I could fix alot of things. Which I beleive in reality won't be changing soon. Its out of my control.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

October 21. <3

=); well today I got out of school at 10:30. Last night Khaley told me to call him when I got home from school. So when I called him he answered && he sounded sleepy. =) haha; but then he told me that he would call me later && he hasn't. =(. Is that a bad sign? because Im not sure. It's already 5:35.

but I still kinda miss adam. I called him *67 today just to hear his voice. haha when he answered I hung up. I'm LAME. But it just keeps getting to me that this month would be one year.

I guess when the cake that my mom is making is done we're going to my uncle kennys for his b-day. I asked if I could stay the night && my momma said maybe. =) hope so.

Well last night lexi && I couldnt sleep so we were randomly txting ppl. && we txted the number brandon dillman gave us && they called && it was actually brandon delk. Donny's best friend!! && he told me that I was hott && that we should chill. I was like what about donny? and he was like well he is going to be gone for 8 years. lol.. so I said maybe. I mean hes rlly cute. But I like Khaley.. I just hope he likes me too && Im not wasting my time you know? so then im not turning these guys down for nothing.

Well; I called my dad today && all he did was yell at me about the whole moving in situation && kirsten told him khaley had a baby!! which is not true. It pisses me off. but I guess he really doesnt want me to move in. w.e. I really hate him sometimes.

We went to pizza hut today! =) && after we went to Johan fabrics && I found this amazing fabric. I really want to make pillows and a new comforter. I just have to get money first. Which means I need a job.

I have court tomorrow.!! I am so nervous!! But hopefully they let me get a job permit so that I can get a job. I really want one. I need new clothes && a cell && I need to get my hair done.
Plus for christmas I wanna take the girls for a girls day of nails && hair. But it will cost alot so I need a job for money.

but I think Im going to go.

ohh&& btw Donny's a Douche bag!! =)

Monday, October 20, 2008

<3 October 20.

So; I havent posted in a long time. Donny && I are officially done. He cried && begged for me back && I told him that I did love him but we've allready tried && that it didn't work but I was sorry. Well the next day he took pictures with his ex kissing. Haha; yep I can tell he loved me so much.

Whatever, he's not worth worrying over. I'm still young. But I like this guy. His name is Khaley. He's had a pretty rough life. But he is just so sweet and amazing. I guess we'll see where that will go. =)

Anyways, Ive started my classes out at the family opp. center. They are extremly hard but Im working my butt off.

haha; well over spring break last year I talked to this guy named matt for about 2 days. && then he randomly called me last week && now he calls me && tells me that he misses me. WEIRD!! lol

Halloween is soon. I'm pumped. I hope my mom or dad lets me go trick-or-treating. Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. So this Halloween I wanna make it big && fun. =D woowoo.

I miss my friends. I miss brittany- my bestie so much! I hope they dont forget about me. && I hope my bestie doesnt replace me. I miss my life. =( but I know that I have to suffer my consequences. I have to go to court soon. Im really nervous.

I want to move in with my dad. Its a very slow process. Its not that I hate it here at my moms. Im just ready for a change. but the whole child support thing is standing in the way. It sucks.

I hope when I go to court that they let me get a work permit, I REALLY want a job. I want to get some money to get some new clothes for school && get my hair done.

I can't wait until I go back to school. This year I get to go to prom. I can't wait!! =)

This month would be one year for adam cotner and I. I miss him. But I understand that theres a big reason that we're done. So, I know that this is for the best.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

lil' weezy. ♥ ♥

His voice gives me chill's. He is the best rapper alive. ♥
I ♥ weezy f baby.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

September 10, 2008

So.. here it starts. Today was an okay day. Donny and I are offically dating again. =) Which makes me really happy. Since so much has happened since we've been dating one of my best friends(jessica) told me that if I dated him again she wouldn't talk to me. Well, when she figured out we were talking yesterday she decided to call me and tell me that she would not be speaking to me again. This morning I made sure I got up really early so I could go spend a little bit of time with Donny before he took me to school. He works night shifts at his factory job so I made sure I was completly done by 7 because thats the time he get's off. After he was off work he came and picked me up and we went to his house to chill for a little bit before school. I checked my myspace because currently Im grounded from everything but this website at home. And Jessica had wrote me a message. This is how it went::

hey im really sorry about what i said.
i feel really bad.
i shouldnt tell you im not gonna be your friend if you go out with someone.
i just dont like tha way he treats you.
it makes me sad ta see a friend cry all the time like you did.
i just want whats best for you and i hope you forgive me.
i want to be there for you when you need someone to talk to.
cuz your one of my besties lol.
i love you and if you ever need someone to talk to im here for you kk.
when you get this call me if you can

=) I was really sad last night when she told me she didn't want to be my friend because she has been one of my best friends since 8th grade. So when I saw this I was so happy. =) Now atleast my friends understand that if I want to be with him they should be there for me and let me make decisions on my own. Right when I went to school I ran up to her and gave her a big hug. =)

Anyways, school was full of drama like usual. My new close friend amanda just doesn't like my bestie brittany because she thinks britt wants her boyfriend. haha; just retard stuff. But Britt is really guy crazy so amanda has a reason to be protective. But, it just makes it hard, because I love both of them to death.

Anyway, Donny picked me up from school. =) Which I loved because I missed him all day. Just this time around I feel like it's for real. No more games. But he took me home and then I cleaned my room and picked my stuff up out of the bathroom. So then I could go see Donny. But since my mom or step dad doesn't like him they only let me go over there for a hour and a half.

Even though we only got a little bit of time to hang out, I loved it. Every second with him is amazing. And it's a start for them to let me go see him. When I got home I asked if Donny could just come over for dinner. And they of course said no, which resulted in a big fight with my mom. Unlike my friends, my parents still wont exept the fact that I really like Donny and Donny really likes me. And all we want to do is be together. It's like when we get in fights we both say things that are horrible and we don't mean. I guess my parents just can't get over the fact that everyone makes stupid decision's and no one's perfect.

So, after the fight we ate dinner. Us kid's at the table, Danny at his computer, and mom hiding in her office, like usual. But after I ate my stomach hurt really bad. It's been like that lately. Usually Im a girl who can eat alot. But latley I can barely eat anything and I feel like Im going to throw up after. It's really weird and confusing.

Brittany wanted me to go to Cedar Point with her over the weekend. I thought her parents were going to go but then I figured out that I would've been just me, her, her older brother who's 20, and shane. Britt was trying to hook me up with her brother this last time when Donny and I broke up so I figured that I really didn't feel like going. I mean, come one. What would a twenty year old guy want with a sixteen year old girl? No thankyou. Plus if I decided to go then Britt would be all over Shane which would put me in a really akward situation. So I made a really smart chice and decided not to go. Now she is taking Jess, and my friend Rushelle. I couldn't go anyway because I have community service on sat. morning. Well, since I couldn't go Amanda really wants to hang out with me over the weekend. Hopefully my parents loosen up a little bit and let me. =)

Well; I better start saying my goodbye's I'm sure my mom will be down in a little bit to tell me I need to get off of here. =p

So goodbye. =) and have a great night. <33

Me, Jess, && Britt over the summer. =)